Top Ten Work Fashion Crimes

1. Micro Mini-skirts + Cleavage

The last place you want to show off legs or boobs, even if they are your greatest assets, is in the workplace. And to show them both off at the same time? Don’t even think about going there. The first rule of fashion is to show off one or the other, never both and never at a formal environment. Even at the Christmas party, it’s simply an invitation to that Accounts Department drunk to come in for a sly grope, unless you want to be known as the office slag, that is.

2. Flip-flops

It doesn’t matter how casual your office environment is — flip-flops are a no-no in the office. Whether they are bejewelled, from the Giselle Bündchen Ipanema collection, or dipped in white gold and diamonds for that matter, flip-flops belong out in the sun and not in the air-conditioned confines of your boardroom. Plus, nobody appreciates the smell of sweaty toes festering against rubber soles.

3. Slutty Heels

There are high heels, and there are slutty heels. You know the kind — sky-high, usually with a cheap plastic sole that gives off a clickety-clack sound, and usually white and scuffed. If you think one of the girls at Exotica might have a go in your shoes, keep them in the bedroom and off the office floor. They’re not going to get you that pay rise you’ve been hoping for, but you might garner attention from the sweaty IT guy downstairs instead.

4. Air Hostess Scarves

If there is anything worse than matchy-matchy corporate suits (think Sarah Palin) then it must be those annoying air hostess-style scarves that some women insist on securing snugly around their neck. Better yet, it’s probably smudged with bits of foundation and comes in a a variety of eye-injuring colours. Leave this to those crazy Apprentice contestants, the British Airways clan, and newsreaders making a blind stab at fashion.

5. Fishnet Stockings

Do we really need to explain this one? Unless you regularly go to work in just a bra and knickers, why would you wear a strip club staple such as fishnet tights? It’s not so much how they look but the fact that they are a strictly night-time look, unless you’re Ke$ha of course. Imagine trying to explain your latest sales figures while the rest of the boardroom have visions of you dancing around with nipple tassles and in a thong.

6. Weekend Comforts

Likewise with flip-flops, keep your weekend clothes where they belong — in your closet while you’re at work. Jeans, fur gilets, Ugg boots, and anything from your gym kit should never be worn to work. You might as well come wrapped in your Snuggie if you’re looking to bring comfort to the office. Lounging in your sweats and Uggs are the way to go on Sunday afternoon, but as soon as you walk past those glass doors in the same outfit, you’re no better than Katie Price on a good day.

7. Shorts

No matter how many designers put out versions of the ubiquitous Spring/Summer essential, shorts are best kept out of your air-conditioned cubicle. Models look good in everything; take our word that there are few of us who can pull off a city short with a blazer and not look like you didn’t get your dry-cleaning done in time. It might work in a fashion or media environment but everyone else: stay clear!

8. Pigtails, Bee Hives and Bed Heads

You simply cannot expect anyone to take you seriously when you’re sporting pigtails straight from Britney’s “Oops I Did It Again” video, or that Amy Winehouse beehive you’re so into right now. Nobody’s asking you to get a blowout every morning before you arrive to work, but it wouldn’t hurt to brush out your hair and keep it sleek and tiny, be it tied up or let down. Keep hair product to a minimum as well — we’re sure more than half a can of hairspray violates certain Health and Safety regulations.

9. Hippie Chic

While we totally get that maxi dresses are absolutely gorgeous right now, there’s no need to bring your inner hippie chick to the photocopier. Leave the fringed boots, shearling coats and Hunter wellies for the weekend. If you are a die-hard flower child, stick to a braided belt or beaded bracelet and nothing more.

10. White Trainers

Women in Manhattan, New York wear trainers to work during their rush through the peak-hour human traffic, then slip on killer stilettos while they’re within the comforts of the carpeted floors of their offices. So leave your Nike, Adidas, Converse or even Stella McCartney trainers at home because, no matter the price, nothing goes better with a dress or suit than a to-die-for pair of heels.